There was no right answer

[glenatron]

As a long-time live roleplayer there is one event in the British LARP calendar that is literally unmissable and that's The Gathering. In the last nine years I've got to every Gathering, except one. The one I'm not at right now.

It was a really really tough decision- The Gathering is one of the only places I get to meet up with a lot of my dearest friends, hang out together, paint ourselves green and kill stuff. It's always really good fun and the monday battle is usually epic, dramatic and ultimately deeply confusing. Last year's event was amazingly intense and utterly brilliant, I doubt this year's event will match up to that, but I bet everyone is having a totally awesome time right about now.

I actually left to go there- the car was packed, sleepsy_mouse was sure that Joe and she would be fine and I was most of the way to Reading before I found I just couldn't leave. If I was three and a half hours away and anything did come up with Joe I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Somehow seeing Joe in his hospital stable has somehow got tangled up in my brain with the events of last March and it just seems to reduce me to floods. I know he's through the worst, but Othello keeps intruding on my thoughts and I can't get things straight or get myself rational. It's been nearly six months since we lost him and he is still on my mind frequently, especially now.

So I find myself having messed up my beloved's plans for the weekend, missing my friends and the zany antics they are undoubtedly indulging in up in Locko Park, feeling like I've let everyone down and frequently collapsing into tears. None of which is becoming in a grown man who should know better.

All this on the first summer day we have had this August.

Ponies have done everything they could to help and sleepsy_mouse has indulged me, once she understood why I was behaving so oddly but I very aware that I have been no fun at all today and I don't feel enough in control of my emotions that I can fix it. Normally I'm alright but between worrying about our patch and missing my amazing friends with an intensity that borders on physical pain I just don't seem able to find anything to give me leverage over my own feelings.

Comments

[evil-c.livejournal.com]

Its quite spooky. I know there are thousands of people at the gathering but it is still possible we could have met eachother in my former life as a LARPer :-)

Ponies have a way of getting into your heart and making themselves the most important things in the world.

Not really much I can say except your feelings are totally natural and to be expected.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly if you played LT and had anything to do with the Bears- I was a McTaff for most of the last ten years.