There was no right answer

[glenatron]

As a long-time live roleplayer there is one event in the British LARP calendar that is literally unmissable and that's The Gathering. In the last nine years I've got to every Gathering, except one. The one I'm not at right now.

It was a really really tough decision- The Gathering is one of the only places I get to meet up with a lot of my dearest friends, hang out together, paint ourselves green and kill stuff. It's always really good fun and the monday battle is usually epic, dramatic and ultimately deeply confusing. Last year's event was amazingly intense and utterly brilliant, I doubt this year's event will match up to that, but I bet everyone is having a totally awesome time right about now.

I actually left to go there- the car was packed, sleepsy_mouse was sure that Joe and she would be fine and I was most of the way to Reading before I found I just couldn't leave. If I was three and a half hours away and anything did come up with Joe I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Somehow seeing Joe in his hospital stable has somehow got tangled up in my brain with the events of last March and it just seems to reduce me to floods. I know he's through the worst, but Othello keeps intruding on my thoughts and I can't get things straight or get myself rational. It's been nearly six months since we lost him and he is still on my mind frequently, especially now.

So I find myself having messed up my beloved's plans for the weekend, missing my friends and the zany antics they are undoubtedly indulging in up in Locko Park, feeling like I've let everyone down and frequently collapsing into tears. None of which is becoming in a grown man who should know better.

All this on the first summer day we have had this August.

Ponies have done everything they could to help and sleepsy_mouse has indulged me, once she understood why I was behaving so oddly but I very aware that I have been no fun at all today and I don't feel enough in control of my emotions that I can fix it. Normally I'm alright but between worrying about our patch and missing my amazing friends with an intensity that borders on physical pain I just don't seem able to find anything to give me leverage over my own feelings.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/blitzen_/]

no right answer, but by the way your head was, i think you made a 'good' decision. it's only been 6 months since othello and that's going to play on you for a long time.

*hugs*

[stu-the-elder.livejournal.com]

I am in Montreal. AND YET: there can be crazy Crumpish natterings on google chat. Give me and Trudi a bell tomorrow on it. Please?

- Crumpwright, sympathetic beastie ;)

[penella22.livejournal.com]

:-(

*sigh* The thing they never tell men is...unfortunately men are human too. Which sometimes involves feeling emotional pain and crying. And the thing they never tell men getting into horses is...horses will do it to you every time. If there's tears inside, horses will bring them out. Known fact. I swear.

Grieving a horse is (IMO) a deeply felt and hard to speak thing. Luckily you have a partner who understands, and equines still among the living who probably get it as well, in their own fashion.

Six months is not a very long time in the scheme of things.

[gemmabowles.livejournal.com]

you made a good decision :) if you cant seem to gather your thoughts, get some paper, and just briefly write them down, in bullet point form. means you can leave them on the paper and give your brain a rest from thinking about them :)

[skiesfirepaved.livejournal.com]

*hug* It's totally understandable why you keep finding yourself reduced to tears, whatever sex you may be. Losing Othello was a horrible experiance, and like penella22 said, 6 months really isn't a long time at all in the scheme of things. It's only natural that your fears for Joe would be heightened 'cause of this.

I think you made a good decision, although of course that doesn't make missing the Gathering any better. Perhaps you could meet up with your friends afterwards, before they all head home? Or arrange a meeting together at a later date. I realise that won't be the same thing, but at least you'll be able to see people.

I hope Joe is back home asap, my thoughts are with you.

[evil-c.livejournal.com]

Its quite spooky. I know there are thousands of people at the gathering but it is still possible we could have met eachother in my former life as a LARPer :-)

Ponies have a way of getting into your heart and making themselves the most important things in the world.

Not really much I can say except your feelings are totally natural and to be expected.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly if you played LT and had anything to do with the Bears- I was a McTaff for most of the last ten years.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

I will but not tonight- too late and too sleepy.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

I just feel like I'm 18 again, and not in the fun feeling bright and young way, more in the uncontrollable emotions, miserable demeanour and wanting to write bad 6th-form poetry kind of a way.

Except maybe the last one. I don't write poetry so much these days.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

I'll get to some smaller events over the winter, maybe do some monstering and visit with people I've missed, but the Gathering has some alchemy because everyone is there together and it's just awesome fun.

Seeing Joe today (he was a very small and sad cob) reinforced that it was the right thing to do.

[skye-ds.livejournal.com]

*sniffling* I think being rational all the time is vastly overrated anyway. *hugs, nuzzles, sugars*

~so sayeth the Ice Maiden who is also known as Spock~

[life-of-tom.livejournal.com]

Ah, dude. It really sounds like things have been exceptionally harsh. You were missed, but the Gathering will come round again. Telling you the event was rubbish probably won't work but I will say that it was- ok.

I'll phone you tonight if you're about, and see how you guys are doing.

[glenatron.livejournal.com]

That would be very welcome. Actually I may be driving about to ninja school tonight, so phone late. I heard from someone who lives in a big house the other day also.

[spoondog.livejournal.com]

Life over LRP everytime, tiger.

[baddynono.livejournal.com]

To be honest a teary bongo weasel would have just been a big green mess, and it's not like that was gonna be the last opportunity for you to come larping with us.