Realisation
3 February 2009 03:12![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glenatronAt some point on the long flight between Heathrow and Dallas I was struck by the enormity of what I am doing. It's fifteen years since I left for university and even then I had a bunch of friends at the same college so it wasn't a huge deal. This time I'm going thousands of miles, totally alone, to throw myself in far over my head with people who almost certainly do the thing I want to learn both better and more seriously than I do.
It was a bit of a shaky moment, the realisation that I really am doing this, it's not just a vaguely appealing dream, it's now a practical reality with no turning back possible. No safety nets, no running away, one heck of a challenge. Why, I found myself wondering, am I even doing this.
It didn't help that all the international flights into Dallas Fort Worth airport arrived at almost exactly the same time and the few people working passport control on a Sunday afternoon were doing their best but the sheer numbers and the time it takes to complete all the biometric stuff meant it was a very slow queue. And my phone didn't work. Normally on this side of the Atlantic it skips whimsically from network to network sending cheerful texts explaining how Orange will fleece me if I use this service, but not this time. Today it may as well have been a brick. I had to borrow a phone to call our host and let her know I was going to be slow getting out. I turned out to be slower on account of having to go through the agricultural channel at the customs section and clean and sterilise all my boots. Delightful. In spite of all this, as has typically been my experience, the US customs guys were really friendly and helpful.
After that things got a little more on track- I met Kyle, who works at the ranch, and soon we were heading up the interstate in a massive black Dodge Pickup. Much more what one might expect from Texas. Meeting the other students has reassured me that they seem like really nice people but also made it clear that I am way out of my depth in terms of experience and expertise. Technically that is a good thing as I will have loads to learn from all of them, but I'll have to catch up hard and really push myself to not feel that I'm really dragging along behind everyone.
Anyways, it's late now (nearly 4am, my body clock says, though local clocks suggest it's nearer 10:00 ) so I shall prepare my bunk and retire to bed I think.
Goodnight all.
It was a bit of a shaky moment, the realisation that I really am doing this, it's not just a vaguely appealing dream, it's now a practical reality with no turning back possible. No safety nets, no running away, one heck of a challenge. Why, I found myself wondering, am I even doing this.
It didn't help that all the international flights into Dallas Fort Worth airport arrived at almost exactly the same time and the few people working passport control on a Sunday afternoon were doing their best but the sheer numbers and the time it takes to complete all the biometric stuff meant it was a very slow queue. And my phone didn't work. Normally on this side of the Atlantic it skips whimsically from network to network sending cheerful texts explaining how Orange will fleece me if I use this service, but not this time. Today it may as well have been a brick. I had to borrow a phone to call our host and let her know I was going to be slow getting out. I turned out to be slower on account of having to go through the agricultural channel at the customs section and clean and sterilise all my boots. Delightful. In spite of all this, as has typically been my experience, the US customs guys were really friendly and helpful.
After that things got a little more on track- I met Kyle, who works at the ranch, and soon we were heading up the interstate in a massive black Dodge Pickup. Much more what one might expect from Texas. Meeting the other students has reassured me that they seem like really nice people but also made it clear that I am way out of my depth in terms of experience and expertise. Technically that is a good thing as I will have loads to learn from all of them, but I'll have to catch up hard and really push myself to not feel that I'm really dragging along behind everyone.
Anyways, it's late now (nearly 4am, my body clock says, though local clocks suggest it's nearer 10:00 ) so I shall prepare my bunk and retire to bed I think.
Goodnight all.
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no subject
Date: 2 Feb 2009 03:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Feb 2009 04:09 (UTC)Its understandable that you're overwhelmed by such a huge task,but I have faith that its a sign of good things to come too. You are very firmly leaving your comfort zone, and stepping into the realm of learning and expanding your horizons. Its *supposed* to feel uncomfortable when we push ourselves that hard...its just our body letting us know we're not doing the same old same old right?
Besides, jet lag is a drag. Now that customs is behind you, and a whole month of horsey studying is in front of you, I hope you enjoy the adventure.
Don't worry about how talented other people are in comparison to you; you're not there to reach *their* level or in any way compare yourself to them. Its ok if you're the least experienced person there. It means you have the distinguished honor of having acquired enough funds to train yourself right much sooner than most people involved in a horsey quest. You'll learn it all right the first time around, and how amazing is that?
This isn't about how you compare to other people. Its about your own progress. But you know that. ;)
Sleep well.
no subject
Date: 2 Feb 2009 08:09 (UTC)You have a lot more ability/experience/expertise than you think, and if anyone is capable of learning fast it's you. And at least it means you're not stuck in one particular mind-set or system.
I hope your first day goes really well. Also that the weather there is nicer than it is here - even leaving the house is going to be a challenge today!
no subject
Date: 2 Feb 2009 15:19 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Feb 2009 19:02 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Feb 2009 00:31 (UTC)Cam ye o'er frae the US?
- Crump
no subject
Date: 3 Feb 2009 06:35 (UTC)