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glenatronIt is exactly 8 months since the 16th October 2005, a day which has some significance for me and it looks like the time is coming where some serious decisions have to be made.
Othello is my horse now and I'm his human- when I come up to him in the field he usually greets me with a little nickery sound and he will do stuff when I ask him to that he won't do for other people.
The problem is that there is something wrong, maybe several things wrong with him physically. In fact it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that there is more wrong with him than is right- his coat is dull, his eyes are permenantly watery, he doesn't grow coat or hoof very strong, he still hasn't fully shed his winter coat, there seem to be persistent problems with his back and although we have got somewhere with his feet they have been attacked by a nasty infection that will need some correcting. Today we had our trimmer come and trim the horses and she confirmed the view that we had got from a few other places (and a conclusion that we were also coming to ourselves) that he is pretty much a wreck.
Tomorrow his owner is coming to see him. That means we have to do some serious thinking.
At what point do you cut your losses and admit defeat? What do we decide if we know (as we are starting to strongly suspect) that I will not be able to ride him for a very long time, if ever? I'm not getting any younger or fitter or better at learning to do physical things and if I ever want to be able to ride well then I'm going to need to find a horse that is capable of carrying me comfortably, which doesn't seem to likely be the case with Othello. If we're going to be spending this much money every month to keep an essentially useless animal and the secondary practical price is that I never become the horseman I want to be, what resolution can we find?
The trouble is that he trusts me and looks on me as a friend. And I have been a friend to him, and I always will be one, but it seems very likely that he has never had a human treat so consistently working with him or so prepared to listen and try to see things from his point of view. I may not have got it right often, but I have always tried. If we admit defeat now and go in search of a horse that can give back more for the work that I put in then we will have to find a new home for him and it is going to be very hard to find anywhere that he can lead the kind of life that I would like him to be able to- one of the disadvantages of keeping them in an unusual way and being convinced we are right to be doing so. With the strength of the bond we have formed I just imagine him thinking I have sent him away and not understanding why. Even if he could understand why, would it be any better? "I'm letting you down because in some vague and abstract way you were letting me down" is no justification for any action.
I feel as though I am repaying his trust and generosity of spirit with a betrayal. I'd be able to smile at how appropriate it all is to his name if it wasn't breaking my heart.
Othello is my horse now and I'm his human- when I come up to him in the field he usually greets me with a little nickery sound and he will do stuff when I ask him to that he won't do for other people.
The problem is that there is something wrong, maybe several things wrong with him physically. In fact it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that there is more wrong with him than is right- his coat is dull, his eyes are permenantly watery, he doesn't grow coat or hoof very strong, he still hasn't fully shed his winter coat, there seem to be persistent problems with his back and although we have got somewhere with his feet they have been attacked by a nasty infection that will need some correcting. Today we had our trimmer come and trim the horses and she confirmed the view that we had got from a few other places (and a conclusion that we were also coming to ourselves) that he is pretty much a wreck.
Tomorrow his owner is coming to see him. That means we have to do some serious thinking.
At what point do you cut your losses and admit defeat? What do we decide if we know (as we are starting to strongly suspect) that I will not be able to ride him for a very long time, if ever? I'm not getting any younger or fitter or better at learning to do physical things and if I ever want to be able to ride well then I'm going to need to find a horse that is capable of carrying me comfortably, which doesn't seem to likely be the case with Othello. If we're going to be spending this much money every month to keep an essentially useless animal and the secondary practical price is that I never become the horseman I want to be, what resolution can we find?
The trouble is that he trusts me and looks on me as a friend. And I have been a friend to him, and I always will be one, but it seems very likely that he has never had a human treat so consistently working with him or so prepared to listen and try to see things from his point of view. I may not have got it right often, but I have always tried. If we admit defeat now and go in search of a horse that can give back more for the work that I put in then we will have to find a new home for him and it is going to be very hard to find anywhere that he can lead the kind of life that I would like him to be able to- one of the disadvantages of keeping them in an unusual way and being convinced we are right to be doing so. With the strength of the bond we have formed I just imagine him thinking I have sent him away and not understanding why. Even if he could understand why, would it be any better? "I'm letting you down because in some vague and abstract way you were letting me down" is no justification for any action.
I feel as though I am repaying his trust and generosity of spirit with a betrayal. I'd be able to smile at how appropriate it all is to his name if it wasn't breaking my heart.